Greetings from Buxton, North Carolina!
If you don’t know Buxton, it’s a beautiful piece of national park land on the water. Located here:
I’m here on my family vacation which is part of the reason why I’ve been delayed in posting. Another reason has been my numerous dates and “ghosts” I’ve received. This post needed some strong coffee and a few days to think about it.
So here’s the dating scene, get your popcorn.
Guy #2 (we call the ballerina guy #1)
This guy was super cute and we were going to head to the Greenbelt to meet up. I was even the one who initiated the date!
After the week of conversations on the app, he asked if I wanted to grab a drink before the weekend. (Change of plans from the Greenbelt, but who am I to judge?)
We met at the Buzzmill. A local beer and coffee place on the east side of Austin, also known as east riverside. Buzzmill is a great spot for conversation, working or a blind date!
We had good conversation and both had two beers a piece. I honestly thought that with even being in a room without air conditioning and him asking if I wanted another drink was a good sign, but there’s something I noticed- he talked- ALOT.
Now, I don’t have problems with guys who talk a lot. Honestly, in my profession, I talk a whole heck of a lot and it’s nice to have someone else talk. He talked about his houses, his education and his goals. He talked about his opportunities and even his senior thesis. Maybe it was me not engaging in the conversation but I honestly just wasn’t into it.
I can’t tell you why I wasn’t into it. He was cute, he was smart, and he had things to talk about…they just weren’t interesting to me. But why? I have no idea.
It’s funny to me because immediately after the date I called my good friend and ironically she had a bumble date. We both sighed as we relayed to each other the same thing-
“How was it,” friend asks.
“He was nice, sweet.”
“And…” Friend says.
“Yea, he was nice.Maybe I’m just not into him.”
“Probably,” friend says.
“Well he did go to school!”
Why is it always this way? A very nice, well rounded gentleman who is educated but isn’t your type? Is it about being your type or are you just not into it? My friend and I had the same exact issue happen to us on the same night- I know we both can’t be the only two women on the planet who feel this way. We both blamed it on ourselves (a therapist would probably not approve of this, we are both very aware of this) and hung up the phone.
Then comes the next day where you continue to wait for a text from him.
And he doesn’t text.
Days go by…
Still no text.
You realize- you’ve been ghosted.
Gosh darn this damn ghosting shit.
I recently looked this up and found that it’s now an official term in Urban Dictionary. We as a people are just letting people go, hiding per day, from other people. Why do we do this? And why am I so upset about this when I wasn’t even into this guy?!
**Writer’s note: I should note why I’m frustrated by this (aren’t we all?) – I’ve been in this weird funk of two years after dating someone who meant the world to me. After two years of weird after that, I tried the dating scene and met two great guys who kindly told me, “no thanks.” I know I’m lucky- most single people do not get this opportunity…they usually are ghosted. So I am adding a writer’s note here that my frustration probably has some other history added to it. **
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a confidence thing and then a technology thing. With technology, we have something to hide ourselves with- and thus we don’t need the confidence. When we do put out some confidence (I.e. – going on a blind date) and then get ghosted, it’s like the rug was pulled out from under us. With each rug pulled, it hurts more for ourselves.
Getting ghosted sucks. But just like anything, we need to get up and try it again. It’s like anything from a work project to training for a marathon. You have to keep dating and realize that ghosting is just another thing now. It’s not going away, probably going to get worse and we just have to deal with it.
I’m not sure if I’m alone in feeling the way I feel. My immediate reaction is to close up my account and blame Match.com for finding people for me who ghost. BUT- after reflecting on this I know that’s not the thing to do because we all walk on rugs everyday, there’s always a risk for it to be pulled out from you…always.
So I guess this means I’ve got to take a dose of my own medicine and get back on the app. At least I can do this on a beach…
Ps: My friend was not ghosted but did end it after the second date. If you aren’t into it, you’re not into it.